Make Bottle Shares Great Again

So since I had a couple bottle shares during the birthday week earlier this month, it got me thinking about some of the shares I’ve enjoyed in the past. Some solid beers, many of which I had been drinking for the first time, along with some good laughs with better friends. On the other side of the coin, I remember some of the shares I had experienced in the past, some so bad that I should’ve just kept my ass at home and saved a bit of cash. There are so many aspects that can take any bottle share to amazing heights or incredible lows. If there was ever someone brave enough to write a book called “Bottle Shares For Dummies”, it might include some of my finer points to make your share one to remember.

  1. Come Prepared: One of the biggest things I have seen that seems to happen way too often is people showing up to shares unprepared. It could be anything from something as small as forgetting glassware all the way to, as crazy as this sounds, showing up empty handed with no beer to share. If you  know you’re going to a bottle share on a Tuesday, put some beers you plan on sharing in the fridge on a Monday night. It’s not rocket science by any means but there’s always one person doing the mad dash to the share. Always try to bring at least one tasting glass just to be sure you’ll have something to pour your beer into instead of straight throat pouring from the bottle. A smart move for anyone is to make sure you have some food in your stomach before you pack yourself to the gills with a copious amount of beer. The last thing you want to be is the sloppy drunk who starts to show that yellow belly and annoy anyone present.
  2. Set A Proper Pace: Raise your hand if you’ve slammed down a bunch of beers as quickly as possible, only to end up being hit in the face by a Alcohol’s ferocious Bitch Slap that takes away your frontal lobe motor functions? If you didn’t raise your hand, let me be the first one to say you’re full of shit. Stop lying to yourself, we’ve all been there. Setting a proper pace to the share is paramount to its success and overall enjoyment. The point to any share is to enjoy the intricacies of this craft beverage in front of you, letting your senses play around with it. You’re not there to see how much beer you can pack into your stomach as quickly as possible. Those days are for college and, for most of us, are long gone. Set a comfortable pace with the group as to not rush but also not slow enough to watch fresh paint dry.
  3. Water-Drink, Rinse, Repeat: This may be thought of as a no brainer concept but when you decide to go from an amazing Belgian Lambic to a Bourbon Barrel Aged Stout with adjuncts out its ass, its a smart move to rinse your glass. Crazy that I have to mention this? Yes, yet I see it happen fairly often. There’s no doubt about it that if you’re drinking a lot of beer, you’re going to need a hydration break fairly often. I usually practice the quick and easy steps of Rinsing the glass, drink 4 ounces of water then pour the next beer in the lineup. It’s really two birds, one stone. You get to hydrate a bit and the residual beer from the previous taste is minimal at best, ensuring maximum flavor profile for the next beer. Pro Tip- Keep sparkling water on hand for between beers. The carbonation will actually help strip any lingering liquids from your palate.
  4. Don’t “Boss Pour”: This is fairly easy to avoid unless your a selfish asshole and don’t mind looking like a dick. One half of the term “Bottle Share” just so happens to be “Share” and that’s what you came to do. A good rule of thumb is to start with an ounce to an ounce and a half on the initial pour. Just remember back to those college days where the shots of tequila were lined up on a kitchen counter amidst the dirty dishes and empty pizza boxes. The one thing that sucks something fierce is having the unfortunate circumstance of being the last one in the rotational pass, only to end up pouring the butthole of the bottle into your glass while some smug asshole is sitting there with a king’s ransom in liquid form.
  5. Bring Some Wow Factor: I for one am the type of person who tries to impress the fuck out of people if I’m going to a bottle share. It’s my inner Peacock coming out. I want you to be like “Damn he really doesn’t fuck around when it comes to shares”. It really isn’t that hard when you think about it. Do you have a beer you’ve held onto and wanted to try for awhile now? Do you think someone else in the group will feel the same way? If the answer is yes to both, you’re doing it right. Some people will have a greater extent of networking with trades and such but that doesn’t mean you can’t find something that will raise some eyebrows and pucker a couple buttholes in the process. If you’re ever in doubt, don’t hesitate to visit a bottle shop and ask for some help. Thats what were here to do.
  6. Have Some Fucking Fun With It: Craft Beer is meant to be shared with friends and strangers alike. It should be a fun time, plain & simple. You could be the super serious one at a share if you’d like. I might laugh at you a bit because at the end of the day, its just beer bro. Its a luxury item we enjoy. Its meant to bring people together under the common interest of enjoying this crazy concoction of water, hops, malt and barley that just so happens to taste pretty damn good.

Hopefully you got something out of this and Im hoping that the next share you go to you get that feeling of greatness and witness a few puckered buttholes. Until next time, keep doing great things and drinking great beer. Cheers!

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